Waiting game

In stark contrast with my more patient and much more philosophical attitude yesterday, today I'm just sick of playing this waiting game. So tired of playing two different games, in fact! Juggling a current job and a prospective one is demanding to say the least! Guess it's all part of the challenge, but I've had a a whole month of this, and the tension has really built up, in a subtle but very real way. Things with R blew up last night, but over something so silly. One too many glasses of wine after work doth not a hangover make, but it tends to give me way too short a fuse. I can't wait for a break, to get out of town for a few days and have a change of scenery. Frustrated.

Going to look here for some inspiration! http://www.ripplesofimprovement.com/the-art-of-patience-learning-to-be-like-the-tortoise/


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A glimpse from above

Browsing around a book store at lunchtime today, I found myself in the Mind/Body/Soul section (as usual...). And I had a moment of clarity while I was there. I do not want to change my job because I am unhappy at A or because B is much better. I want to change the structure of my job, so that I am more responsible for myself. So that I can do bigger things with my talent. I think that's a natural sign of growing out of one thing and striving to be better. And this little glimpse at my situation from the perspective of my higher self has made me feel peaceful and lighter. I can shape my career, and every aspect of my life, into whatever I want it to be. Glad to be tuning back in to my intuition.

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Going with the flow

I realise more and more that the illusion of control is comforting but not worth taking too seriously. Work hard to an extent, and then stop pushing. Just go with the flow. Shit has a habit of working itself out. That sounds terrible, but you know what I mean...

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Taking risks

Moving on is hard. Especially when what you're leaving behind is good, fun, happy. And even moreso when you don't need to move. I'm feeling pulled, not pushed, onto a new career path, and it makes me wish my current job could be enough, could give me enough. But my mom always said you're never totally ready to make the biggest decisions and take the biggest risks that life throws at you. Having a baby, emigrating, or in this case, leaving the security of a well paid job in a great company with growth potential to start a new division of a small start up. But that's what I'm about to do, and it's scary.

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Intro

As a little girl I loved creative writing and keeping a journal. Now I write for a living on behalf of my clients. But I've stopped writing to and for myself, and I feel like I've stopped connecting with myself a little too. I've gently lost a part of me. So this is my attempt to start journalling again. The only rule I'm giving myself is to be straight and not to shy away from saying what I really mean. In my relationships I tend to mould the truth to keep the peace, and often to avoid being wrong. This blog is an exercise in honesty. Because that's good.

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