First trimester concerns

I've been busy over the last week, including the weekend, trying to juggle a lot of client work, learning for Wednesday's exam, planning R's birthday party this weekend and preparing for the arrival of both of our families. We've also had quite a lot of social engagements thrown in, and with three of my close friends needing extra attention for various reasons at the moment, there's plenty on the go.

Ordinarily I think I would be taking most of that in my stride, but I've been feeling so pap and lethargic during the first trimester that I am battling a bit. I've put off my second exam (which I was supposed to write on Friday in the middle of the family's arrival) until January, which has helped to make it all seem a bit more manageable. But I'm fighting hard not to feel overwhelmed.

I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and find some time for exercise as well, because as hard as it is to motivate myself it really does make me look at things differently when I get some fresh air and the heart pumping as often as possible.

Honestly I am also feeling a bit down about my body starting to change shape. I have not gained weight yet but my tummy is definitely rounder and my waist thicker now that i'm into week ten. While the untrained eye wouldn't notice, I can feel the difference and I am not feeling very sexy. Maybe it will change when I actually have a proper bump, rather than just looking bloated?! I know I should be embracing this as a beautiful and natural part of pregnancy. But it's hard, and it's also not something I can share with anyone else without sounding terribly superficial and vain, with all my priorities out of whack. I have set myself healthy but low weight gain targets throughout the nine months, which I really hope I can stick to. It's tempting to get very competitive with other 'hot' moms, and I need to watch that.

It just occurred to me that maybe a little depression is part of the hormonal shift of pregnancy. Will look into that. I hope that the second trimester, with the return of energy I am expecting and wishing for, also brings some more positive feelings for me.

HoneyChild

Maybe later

One of my worst habits is undoubtedly procrastination. I am so annoyed with myself for letting the whole weekend pass me by without even looking at the books. The textbooks for the two long distance courses I'm (supposed to be) taking this semester. The study material I left in full view on the dining room table for three days, unopened. It was the first weekend in a while where I had a full Sunday to myself really to get started and log some serious hours...and attempt to undo the knot in my stomach that is tightening on a daily basis as my exams loom. (Four weeks to go until the first one, and I've literally not touched the subject.) I watched Gossip Girl and went to Caprice instead. Nice work.

This is the behaviour I cultivated so (un)successfully as a student, but you'd think as a married, working woman with a degree under my belt I would have bloody well grown out of it by now. I seem to thrive on the pressure and drama of leaving things until the last minute, and it translates into a lot of aspects of my life. Definitely something to look at, and try to improve.

HoneyChild

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Intro

As a little girl I loved creative writing and keeping a journal. Now I write for a living on behalf of my clients. But I've stopped writing to and for myself, and I feel like I've stopped connecting with myself a little too. I've gently lost a part of me. So this is my attempt to start journalling again. The only rule I'm giving myself is to be straight and not to shy away from saying what I really mean. In my relationships I tend to mould the truth to keep the peace, and often to avoid being wrong. This blog is an exercise in honesty. Because that's good.

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