Preparing to float away

In the last two weeks I've felt a very definite shift in the way I relate to my employers and clients. It's like I've taken an emotional leap backwards, away from the fire of over-commitment and the stress associated with that. I can liken it to the metaphor that once came up in a reading for me about letting go and saying goodbye to someone who I loved, but who I could not have a functional relationship with.

The image is that of a leaf slowly changing its colours at autumn time, and as winter and the end of the leaf's life cycle on the tree approaches, it gradually separates itself from the branch until it can gently drop off and float away. There is no great pain or wrench of misery, which you may feel when you're still holding on tightly to something. It is just an easy, natural transition. This is what the reading was urging me to wait for when it came to leaving an important love interest behind. But the metaphor has stuck with me over the years and I think it accurately describes what I am now feeling around my current work relationships. I am in no rush, but I am preparing to move on. And that is the difference between the scenario in June, when I wasn't yet quite ready, and now.

Interesting opportunities are showing themselves to me and I am directing energy towards them.

HoneyChild

Playing the game

Two more coaching sessions down since I last wrote and I really am feeling different. Somehow I seem to be operating more and more easily from the place of an adult, rather than a child, and it’s showed up in how I’ve managed to handle some sticky work conversations around salary in the last week. The result? I’ve got a significant increase.

But I’ve also been left with the feeling that I’m tired of asking. The little child in me, the hole that needs to be nurtured by outside affirmation will always try to be filled up. But the adult version of me which is emerging is becoming more able to satisfy my own wants and needs. I need to remember to keep a space between the childish me and the adult me – to acknowledge the child but not let it be my downfall. I am the only person in the world who can look after myself.

In line with this, I have decided to start looking at new work opportunities. I think it will mean redefining my career - creating a position somewhere which meets my wants and needs fully. I need to be respected, supported, recognised and rewarded without asking for these things every six months. And maybe I need to do this in a different kind of organisation from my current work environment. I’m stepping into the game now, and I’m here to play.


HoneyChild