Two more coaching sessions down since I last wrote and I really am feeling different. Somehow I seem to be operating more and more easily from the place of an adult, rather than a child, and it’s showed up in how I’ve managed to handle some sticky work conversations around salary in the last week. The result? I’ve got a significant increase.
But I’ve also been left with the feeling that I’m tired of asking. The little child in me, the hole that needs to be nurtured by outside affirmation will always try to be filled up. But the adult version of me which is emerging is becoming more able to satisfy my own wants and needs. I need to remember to keep a space between the childish me and the adult me – to acknowledge the child but not let it be my downfall. I am the only person in the world who can look after myself.
In line with this, I have decided to start looking at new work opportunities. I think it will mean redefining my career - creating a position somewhere which meets my wants and needs fully. I need to be respected, supported, recognised and rewarded without asking for these things every six months. And maybe I need to do this in a different kind of organisation from my current work environment. I’m stepping into the game now, and I’m here to play.
HoneyChild
Showing posts with label life coaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life coaching. Show all posts
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Life coaching part 2
My second coaching session was a tough one – I have felt shattered for two days. We started talking about how to integrate certain elements of my subordinate ID into my primary ID. In a nut shell, I need to acknowledge some more of the male (rather than just the ‘nice girl’) characteristics from the hidden part of my consciousness and allow them to be acceptable responses to my environment, particularly work and career-related factors.
Once I can do this, the way I show up in my other relationships, like the one with my dad, should also fall into place naturally. We identified a couple of incidents from my younger life which may have created the edge behind which I learnt (and still tend) to hide my voice in conflict situations, and the aspects about me that are not nice, right, obliging and sweet. I am at my core a nice person – I know that. As an adult, I now have to realise that I will always be considered ‘nice’, even when I need to have a hard conversation, or say no. Difficult conversations are merely a platform for discussing the assumptions and opinions of two or more people. I don’t have to think of them as something to fear anymore! Wow, that will be empowering.
We explored the public and the hidden arenas of my own Johari window, and my homework this week is to think about the other two quadrants - my blind arena and my unknown arena. I also have to imagine what I would do if I could do anything for a day, with no consequences – what do I dream for my life? I'll have to know by next Tuesday, I guess.
HoneyChild
Once I can do this, the way I show up in my other relationships, like the one with my dad, should also fall into place naturally. We identified a couple of incidents from my younger life which may have created the edge behind which I learnt (and still tend) to hide my voice in conflict situations, and the aspects about me that are not nice, right, obliging and sweet. I am at my core a nice person – I know that. As an adult, I now have to realise that I will always be considered ‘nice’, even when I need to have a hard conversation, or say no. Difficult conversations are merely a platform for discussing the assumptions and opinions of two or more people. I don’t have to think of them as something to fear anymore! Wow, that will be empowering.
We explored the public and the hidden arenas of my own Johari window, and my homework this week is to think about the other two quadrants - my blind arena and my unknown arena. I also have to imagine what I would do if I could do anything for a day, with no consequences – what do I dream for my life? I'll have to know by next Tuesday, I guess.
HoneyChild
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Life coaching part 1
I have just attended the first of five life coaching sessions for which my company has enrolled me. Some really interesting themes emerged during the first hour, and I sense the coaching programme will be a really valuable exercise over the next month so I think it will be useful to record the key insights.
Together with the coach, I’ve identified that I’d like to work on my management and leadership skills and my ability to deal with tough clients confidently, with the overall goal of ramping up the trajectory of my career development.
The most fascinating insight which came up in this first session was that I am experiencing a conflict around my role in my job, my family and the world in general. I am not being true to my essence, which is actually more masculine than traditionally feminine (regardless of the fact that I am a feminine woman).
While I resonate more naturally with men, and their way of doing business, I have a tendency to sugarcoat my directives and feedback for the sake of not hurting anyone. This is not serving me as well as it could, and if I am not coming across as authentic, or in balance with my masculine and feminine sides, I will never be able to fulfil my potential as a really good leader - and I will hold myself back in my career. Mastering this will also help me to be more confident in my interaction with difficult clients, and is something that we’ll work on for the next few weeks.
Another really interesting theory that we touched on is that the role you play in your family very much determines how you show up in your other relationships and in your working life. I can already see the links. I love being the favoured, the special, the best, the golden girl. I am the favourite daughter, the one big love, the best friend by a country mile, the most outstanding candidate, the highest, fastest achieving employee. That is always what I want to be. And yet I also want to be the nicest, sweetest, most obliging good girl who never hurts anyone. Can I be both? Not sure about that…
More next week.
HoneyChild
Together with the coach, I’ve identified that I’d like to work on my management and leadership skills and my ability to deal with tough clients confidently, with the overall goal of ramping up the trajectory of my career development.
The most fascinating insight which came up in this first session was that I am experiencing a conflict around my role in my job, my family and the world in general. I am not being true to my essence, which is actually more masculine than traditionally feminine (regardless of the fact that I am a feminine woman).
While I resonate more naturally with men, and their way of doing business, I have a tendency to sugarcoat my directives and feedback for the sake of not hurting anyone. This is not serving me as well as it could, and if I am not coming across as authentic, or in balance with my masculine and feminine sides, I will never be able to fulfil my potential as a really good leader - and I will hold myself back in my career. Mastering this will also help me to be more confident in my interaction with difficult clients, and is something that we’ll work on for the next few weeks.
Another really interesting theory that we touched on is that the role you play in your family very much determines how you show up in your other relationships and in your working life. I can already see the links. I love being the favoured, the special, the best, the golden girl. I am the favourite daughter, the one big love, the best friend by a country mile, the most outstanding candidate, the highest, fastest achieving employee. That is always what I want to be. And yet I also want to be the nicest, sweetest, most obliging good girl who never hurts anyone. Can I be both? Not sure about that…
More next week.
HoneyChild
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