End of September

With September drawing to a close I can look back at the month with some satisfaction. I've definitely had wobbles and worries about work prospects, with not a lot of client action this month. But it's the first time in seven months since starting my company that I've had that concern, and this week I've uncovered opportunities with three or four new clients from October. So feeling in better spirits about that.

I'm going to try not to make this a blog about work though - I have a separate journal for that. But when you work for yourself, it's particularly hard to compartmentalise success in that area as a distinct entity from your general state of being. That reminds me of a channelling I had a few months ago. The message was to try to integrate all aspects of myself, not to categorise and box too much. Because when you are fully 'integrated', you can experience your deepest joy and satisfaction, apparently! Will give that a bash in October :-)

Am really looking forward to having F visiting me from Australia over the weekend. She has been one of my best and closest friends for 10 years, and although we've had our ups and downs, she has been an important part of my adult life - and I hers. I've missed her over the last couple of years, and immmensely so with her living across the globe over the past 18 months. She has been through much heartache in recent weeks and I hope I can help her heal in the way that girlfriends, wine and a few laughs are so able to do, somehow.

All quiet on the baby front. Trying not to feel anxious about that. I'll know this weekend whether the pregnancy efforts for the last month have been successful - but somehow I think and feel... not. Calling in my child still, and staying positive and relaxed about things in that department as far as possible. (Again - the mention of a 'department' - must watch that, and integrate a little more perhaps...)

HoneyChild

Ok I'm back

I took a break from keeping an online journal and I really missed it! Since I last wrote I've started my own business, which has been challenging and awesome. I love being my own boss. I love being in control of my time. I love how I've managed to leverage and really increase my earning power.

But I do get a little lonely! I miss having colleagues to talk to, and I miss having someone to share the perennial business owner's fear of not knowing where the next paycheck will come from. I miss being part of something bigger. Shit, I missed going to the Loeries this last weekend :-)

Overall, it's definitely been a fantastic move for me. I'm doing daily editorial writing in addition to my PR work, and that is something I really enjoy and have realised I should do more. A good learning.

I am also far more relaxed - like deeply, in my bones and muscles, relaxed. The stress of agency life takes a very physical toll over time, and it's never been more clear to me. When I look in the mirror and I don't see lines on my face, shadows under my eyes, or feel tension in my chest and knots in my stomach every morning, I know it's because of my significant lifestyle change. And they say starting a business is stressful! It's actually been easier, I've found.

I feel ready for a child. Having gone off the pill at the end of May, my body is totally, totally ready. So calling that baby in! I'm much more sexually awake as well. I always thought I was pretty normal in that department, but my sexuality is very charged right now. Not sure how well that's playing out with R. A little concerned that our historically mis-matched sex drives are starting to more out of sync than ever. But I'm trying not to dwell on that.

Feels good to be writing about this stuff again. Helpful.

HoneyChild

The end xxx

I started this web diary a year ago because I needed to get clear on a lot of things, and I think better when I write. The impetus to start journalling again after many years was an awful incident at the end of February last year. The event left me shaken and raw, and realising that I needed to take a long hard look at myself. I've by no means solved every problem or straightened out every aspect of my life, but I definitely feel like I've grown up in the last year.

I'm maturing as a new wife and I have a settled and happy marriage. I've toned down a few of my bad habits and am more aware of how I show up in my relationships and socially. I've gone through a series of coaching and mentoring sessions, which have helped me enormously. After months and months of soul searching I've finally taken the leap and left a company that I've loved but which has been holding me back professionally and personally. And I'm trying to be more honest with myself. Which is probably the most important thing of all.

Standing on the brink of a new phase of my life, I can't help but think that keeping an online diary has helped move me forward on a positive new trajectory. At this juncture, it's time to close the HoneyChid blog - I'm ready to start a new chapter, and in a brand new shiny journal...

Bye for now.

HoneyChild

The end of an era

It feels like the end of a mini-era socially at work at the moment. Several of the people who I have been close to have just resigned or are in the process of leaving for greener pastures at the moment. I must say, it makes it easier for me to be leaving at the end of the month too.

Agency life is like that - the cycles are so quick. I'll never forget a former colleague telling me how depressing it was to watch friend after friend resign in quick succession, just because their respectable two year window for working at the company was up. I remember swearing to myself that I wouldn't put myself through that - and wow, from that perspective I'm saying goodbye just in time. I hope to keep in touch with the amazing friends I've made in this job.

I also marvel at how terrible agencies tend to be at retaining staff. Their really good staff included. Surely the system is fundamentally flawed. Oh well, it's not my problem any more - I am relieved to be my own boss from now on.

I'll look back with great fondness, nothing more, nothing less.

HoneyChild

Back on the wagon

Back to gym today – aAAAH!

It’s been two months of indulgence and no exercise…whatsoever. While my weight has remained steady, I’ve definitely got to the point where I’m feeling flabby, untoned and generally gross. I also miss the endorphins and energy that exercising regularly gives you. I guess I’m lucky to have a built in ‘fitness’ switch which after a long exercise hiatus eventually flips and directs me back onto the wagon/treadmill/power plate/whatever. But I’ve definitely pushed the ‘fat and lazy’ theme my sister and I agreed on for our summer – enjoy the eating, boozing and merry-making with no guilt. It’s been great, but now I feel…wobbly and lethargic.

So hitting Virgin after work, and hope it’ll give me a boost and a glow before Valentine’s Night dinner with R.

HoneyChild

Planning for new beginnings - business and baby

I’ve handed in my resignation so my work on building my own client base officially starts today. I’ve got some great leads, but am so busy with my current work load that I’m going to have to be really disciplined about carving out time to get my own business planning done. Anyway, it’s all good. Feeling competent, productive and valuable – maybe because I’m taking charge of my own work. And while I’m still working hard on my current clients, I am feeling more detached emotionally from the day-to-day strains of client service. I hope that lasts.

Another priority for me at the moment is getting my physical health geared to having a baby sometime soon. Maybe it starts with eating more fruit and veg – as simple as that – and building from there. I am feeling comfortable in my body, and am maintaining my weight without much exercise or putting any effort into what I’m consuming. So I’m really quite relaxed at the moment, but need to ensure that I am at peak nutritional health over the next few months.


HoneyChild

January check-in

Woohoo – it’s all happening!

Productivity, creativity, excitement, inspiration, abundance. January’s turning out to be a good month, and an excellent beginning to what I’m sure will be a very, very good year for me. Relationships on track. Body feeling good. Finances sorting themselves out. Career poised for change and development. And I believe it’s because I’ve tuned back into my intuition – more than I was last year, at least. So I’m making good decisions and it feels like I’m really operating on a higher frequency. Long may it last.

HoneyChild