September update

I have not had a chance to journal for three months, and I’ve missed it. Our baby boy is incredible - angelic, happy, beautiful. He is also tiny, almost entirely dependent on me and often exhausting. We are so in love, and so overwhelmed at times. I have hired a nanny to help me three days a week as of yesterday because I have to start doing some work part time. So here I am, down the road at a coffee shop, checking my phone every five minutes and missing him. Not doing any work. But I decided that doing some thinking about myself and where I’m at was important work to start with. I am 30, a mother and a wife – a woman suddenly. I have major responsibilities. I need to focus with all my might on these. I need to keep my marriage whole – it feels like some hairline cracks are forming. Motherhood can be all consuming, and the early days are so challenging that I have tended to neglect R, snap at him, and generally get lazy about being a good partner in recent months. We have fought and made up, and decided we need to be gentle with one another. My body has bounced back well from the pregnancy, and I quickly went down to close to my pre-baby weight without any effort. I am lucky, but I cannot take this for granted if I want to keep my health. I have started doing some very light exercise again, which I am enjoying – a good reminder of how much I need endorphins in my system. I need to watch my caffeine intake. Two cups of coffee a day is plenty – but I’m tending to use it as a crutch and drink more to get through the tired mornings. I need to muster up every ounce of diligence and drive within me and get cracking with a lot of client work this month if I am to draw a salary in October. I have managed to cover my maternity leave for three months, but I have put important clients on the back burner for way too long and their patience will soon wear thin. September is a month of hard graft - make no mistake. I need to set myself up for the rest of the year now, or face some serious repercussions. So, in emulation of my gran’s work ethic and discipline, my nose is officially to the grindstone. HoneyChild