Food and entertainment

We enjoyed R's 40th birthday party - I feel I organised it well and was glad it was a success. I was complimented on every aspect of the organisation of the event, and also on my speech, which everyone seemed to love, and my confidence in speaking in public. I think I surprised several people, who do not know that side of me. It felt good to be acknowledged.

I've really enjoyed having R's family here visiting us - his mom and sister are still staying at our house, and his dad was here until the weekend. I think I am good at making people feel welcome and at ease, and as I get older and, I suppose, more established as a wife, I am better at the food/catering side of things as well. It is interesting to me to realise how much I have picked up via osmosis from my own mother when it comes to providing good food for people. I am glad to have had that exposure in my life, even though it was boring to me when I was younger. I am gaining confidence in the kitchen and with my cooking, and am increasingly finding that people actually like eating my food.

On a food note, I am trying to make peace with my changing appetite and gradually more "pregnant" shape. It is a natural, healthy and beautiful part of being a mother and I am not ballooning at a noticeable rate, even though it sometimes feels that way. I've put on about a kilo in the first 11 weeks of pregnancy - and set off against the 1.5-2kg I lost last month, I have actually not gained any weight during the first trimester yet. So I'm doing ok and not looking bad. Far less tired these days too - I'm relieved to have more energy as I've got a lot on the go.

Honey Child

First trimester concerns

I've been busy over the last week, including the weekend, trying to juggle a lot of client work, learning for Wednesday's exam, planning R's birthday party this weekend and preparing for the arrival of both of our families. We've also had quite a lot of social engagements thrown in, and with three of my close friends needing extra attention for various reasons at the moment, there's plenty on the go.

Ordinarily I think I would be taking most of that in my stride, but I've been feeling so pap and lethargic during the first trimester that I am battling a bit. I've put off my second exam (which I was supposed to write on Friday in the middle of the family's arrival) until January, which has helped to make it all seem a bit more manageable. But I'm fighting hard not to feel overwhelmed.

I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and find some time for exercise as well, because as hard as it is to motivate myself it really does make me look at things differently when I get some fresh air and the heart pumping as often as possible.

Honestly I am also feeling a bit down about my body starting to change shape. I have not gained weight yet but my tummy is definitely rounder and my waist thicker now that i'm into week ten. While the untrained eye wouldn't notice, I can feel the difference and I am not feeling very sexy. Maybe it will change when I actually have a proper bump, rather than just looking bloated?! I know I should be embracing this as a beautiful and natural part of pregnancy. But it's hard, and it's also not something I can share with anyone else without sounding terribly superficial and vain, with all my priorities out of whack. I have set myself healthy but low weight gain targets throughout the nine months, which I really hope I can stick to. It's tempting to get very competitive with other 'hot' moms, and I need to watch that.

It just occurred to me that maybe a little depression is part of the hormonal shift of pregnancy. Will look into that. I hope that the second trimester, with the return of energy I am expecting and wishing for, also brings some more positive feelings for me.

HoneyChild