Food and entertainment

We enjoyed R's 40th birthday party - I feel I organised it well and was glad it was a success. I was complimented on every aspect of the organisation of the event, and also on my speech, which everyone seemed to love, and my confidence in speaking in public. I think I surprised several people, who do not know that side of me. It felt good to be acknowledged.

I've really enjoyed having R's family here visiting us - his mom and sister are still staying at our house, and his dad was here until the weekend. I think I am good at making people feel welcome and at ease, and as I get older and, I suppose, more established as a wife, I am better at the food/catering side of things as well. It is interesting to me to realise how much I have picked up via osmosis from my own mother when it comes to providing good food for people. I am glad to have had that exposure in my life, even though it was boring to me when I was younger. I am gaining confidence in the kitchen and with my cooking, and am increasingly finding that people actually like eating my food.

On a food note, I am trying to make peace with my changing appetite and gradually more "pregnant" shape. It is a natural, healthy and beautiful part of being a mother and I am not ballooning at a noticeable rate, even though it sometimes feels that way. I've put on about a kilo in the first 11 weeks of pregnancy - and set off against the 1.5-2kg I lost last month, I have actually not gained any weight during the first trimester yet. So I'm doing ok and not looking bad. Far less tired these days too - I'm relieved to have more energy as I've got a lot on the go.

Honey Child

Back on the wagon

Back to gym today – aAAAH!

It’s been two months of indulgence and no exercise…whatsoever. While my weight has remained steady, I’ve definitely got to the point where I’m feeling flabby, untoned and generally gross. I also miss the endorphins and energy that exercising regularly gives you. I guess I’m lucky to have a built in ‘fitness’ switch which after a long exercise hiatus eventually flips and directs me back onto the wagon/treadmill/power plate/whatever. But I’ve definitely pushed the ‘fat and lazy’ theme my sister and I agreed on for our summer – enjoy the eating, boozing and merry-making with no guilt. It’s been great, but now I feel…wobbly and lethargic.

So hitting Virgin after work, and hope it’ll give me a boost and a glow before Valentine’s Night dinner with R.

HoneyChild

Baby steps

My husband has babies on his mind. Our conversation is increasingly infiltrated by references to our future kids. His favourite question at the moment is, 'when did you say we could start?'. And as exciting as that is, it's also bloody scary.

I want children, of course. I want them very much, and I find I'm being drawn to young kids and babies in my daily life. But I'm ten years younger than R and I'm definitely not ready for offspring yet. I'm nervous at the thought of my body changing radically, my lifestyle turning on its head, my career being put on hold, my priorities shifting dramatically. It's a big step that I know I need to be more comfortable with than I feel now. I've accepted that we'll have to compromise a little around timing - he can't wait for another 3-5 years, which would be ideal for me.

R is understanding of and sensitive to my concerns around this. He's not putting unbearable pressure on me, but I am aware of the subtle and constant yearning in him. I've been told that one is never totally ready to have kids - they usually arrive a little bit too soon! And the irony is that often when older couples are 200% ready and desperate for children, they struggle to have them. I know I'm lucky to have a financially secure husband who is amped for offspring, and that I have the opportunity to be a young, and perhaps more resilient and energetic mother than I might be in five years' time.

But how do I get over the nerves?

HoneyChild

Pretty funny

Like most women, I’ve experienced my looks and my body differently as I’ve grown up. I was a cute little girl, but no Miss Tinkerbell contender. I had chubby stages, pretty stages, pimply stages, went through a ridiculous string bean phase from the ages of 11-13, and then filled out and grew (a whole lotta) curves in my later teens. I once read a quote that read something along the lines of “You are born with the face you were given, but at 20 you have the face you deserve.” I know that by the age of 20 I had completely grown out of my ugly duckling phase – in fact, it was looking at photos of myself on my 20th birthday that I first saw myself as beautiful.

But I still battled with weight, eating and exercise for several years after that. No moreso, probably, than most girls, and always privately – yet I realise that I was constantly trying to mould myself into the “hottest” version of me. It was all part of life as a single girl, always on the lookout for a cheap ego boost. Looking back, I wasted a lot of time, money and mental energy on all of that. The funny thing is, now that I’m relaxing into my body, getting used to a couple of emerging wrinkles and am confident and secure in my relationship, I get far more unexpected compliments and enquiries about my former modelling career (what?!) from total strangers. Some tasty ones too. Go figure.

HoneyChild

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