Playing the game

Two more coaching sessions down since I last wrote and I really am feeling different. Somehow I seem to be operating more and more easily from the place of an adult, rather than a child, and it’s showed up in how I’ve managed to handle some sticky work conversations around salary in the last week. The result? I’ve got a significant increase.

But I’ve also been left with the feeling that I’m tired of asking. The little child in me, the hole that needs to be nurtured by outside affirmation will always try to be filled up. But the adult version of me which is emerging is becoming more able to satisfy my own wants and needs. I need to remember to keep a space between the childish me and the adult me – to acknowledge the child but not let it be my downfall. I am the only person in the world who can look after myself.

In line with this, I have decided to start looking at new work opportunities. I think it will mean redefining my career - creating a position somewhere which meets my wants and needs fully. I need to be respected, supported, recognised and rewarded without asking for these things every six months. And maybe I need to do this in a different kind of organisation from my current work environment. I’m stepping into the game now, and I’m here to play.


HoneyChild

Small shifts in growing up

I've always believed that the first time my husband and I host Christmas at our home for our respective parents, we'll really be grown up. I was raised in a household where my mom has regularly cooked the Christmas dinner for the family that often descends upon us at the end of the year. Christmas at home has been almost entirely her responsibility for the 30 years she's been married to my father. And that's pretty grown up.

Having spent the last few days with R's parents who are visiting us from the States, I have been thinking about getting older. More specifically, I've been considering the subtle series of changes that occur which move a child into the adult role while the parents move back into the role of the children. I love both sets of parents to death. But I have noticed that, particularly around R's folks, we are starting to take the role of mom and dad. It's quite amazing how that happens. We direct the conversation, the activities, and the general admin part of things, including the cooking and cleaning. One of these days, my mom and dad will take a back seat around hosting Christmas. And I guess that means that R and I will naturally step up. Guess I'm not a kid anymore.

HoneyChild

Pretty funny

Like most women, I’ve experienced my looks and my body differently as I’ve grown up. I was a cute little girl, but no Miss Tinkerbell contender. I had chubby stages, pretty stages, pimply stages, went through a ridiculous string bean phase from the ages of 11-13, and then filled out and grew (a whole lotta) curves in my later teens. I once read a quote that read something along the lines of “You are born with the face you were given, but at 20 you have the face you deserve.” I know that by the age of 20 I had completely grown out of my ugly duckling phase – in fact, it was looking at photos of myself on my 20th birthday that I first saw myself as beautiful.

But I still battled with weight, eating and exercise for several years after that. No moreso, probably, than most girls, and always privately – yet I realise that I was constantly trying to mould myself into the “hottest” version of me. It was all part of life as a single girl, always on the lookout for a cheap ego boost. Looking back, I wasted a lot of time, money and mental energy on all of that. The funny thing is, now that I’m relaxing into my body, getting used to a couple of emerging wrinkles and am confident and secure in my relationship, I get far more unexpected compliments and enquiries about my former modelling career (what?!) from total strangers. Some tasty ones too. Go figure.

HoneyChild

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