I have just attended the first of five life coaching sessions for which my company has enrolled me. Some really interesting themes emerged during the first hour, and I sense the coaching programme will be a really valuable exercise over the next month so I think it will be useful to record the key insights.
Together with the coach, I’ve identified that I’d like to work on my management and leadership skills and my ability to deal with tough clients confidently, with the overall goal of ramping up the trajectory of my career development.
The most fascinating insight which came up in this first session was that I am experiencing a conflict around my role in my job, my family and the world in general. I am not being true to my essence, which is actually more masculine than traditionally feminine (regardless of the fact that I am a feminine woman).
While I resonate more naturally with men, and their way of doing business, I have a tendency to sugarcoat my directives and feedback for the sake of not hurting anyone. This is not serving me as well as it could, and if I am not coming across as authentic, or in balance with my masculine and feminine sides, I will never be able to fulfil my potential as a really good leader - and I will hold myself back in my career. Mastering this will also help me to be more confident in my interaction with difficult clients, and is something that we’ll work on for the next few weeks.
Another really interesting theory that we touched on is that the role you play in your family very much determines how you show up in your other relationships and in your working life. I can already see the links. I love being the favoured, the special, the best, the golden girl. I am the favourite daughter, the one big love, the best friend by a country mile, the most outstanding candidate, the highest, fastest achieving employee. That is always what I want to be. And yet I also want to be the nicest, sweetest, most obliging good girl who never hurts anyone. Can I be both? Not sure about that…
More next week.
HoneyChild
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Being a better wife
It’s been nearly a year since I got married and recently I’ve been feeling different about my role as a married woman. For one, I am increasingly thinking about how to be a better daughter/sister-in-law to R’s family. I know I haven’t necessarily been great at this – especially with them so far away – and I know I need to make an effort to keep in more regular contact with them. Having not given much time to this in the past, I think I’ve made improvements recently, and our trip away together was a great success, bringing us closer. I hope to keep up the good relationship I’ve built with them.
And I suppose I’m also striving to be a better wife. I certainly wasn’t a perfect one to start with, and we had a rocky few months earlier this year which were mostly due to the lack of responsibility I was taking for myself. Maybe I’m growing up, because I suddenly feel quite removed from and disappointed by the ‘old’ me. I feel that I’m improving in this area, and being much more accountable to my husband.
Nevertheless, we did have a bad argument while we were on holiday about another woman. Too many glasses of wine, and my jealously reared its head with nasty results. How much leeway do we give one another around other men and women? Surely it’s natural to have attractions and flirtations with other people during the course of one’s marriage? But surely it’s also ok to put my foot down when I feel it’s gone too far on his part? And then to manage my own actions around this as well?
I need to learn to express myself less emotionally, that’s for sure. But I also grew up in a family where that wasn’t the case. I was told as a young girl not to tolerate any philandering by my husband – and I know there were plenty of underlying reasons for this advice on my mom’s part – but where is the line?
Pondering all of this.
HoneyChild
And I suppose I’m also striving to be a better wife. I certainly wasn’t a perfect one to start with, and we had a rocky few months earlier this year which were mostly due to the lack of responsibility I was taking for myself. Maybe I’m growing up, because I suddenly feel quite removed from and disappointed by the ‘old’ me. I feel that I’m improving in this area, and being much more accountable to my husband.
Nevertheless, we did have a bad argument while we were on holiday about another woman. Too many glasses of wine, and my jealously reared its head with nasty results. How much leeway do we give one another around other men and women? Surely it’s natural to have attractions and flirtations with other people during the course of one’s marriage? But surely it’s also ok to put my foot down when I feel it’s gone too far on his part? And then to manage my own actions around this as well?
I need to learn to express myself less emotionally, that’s for sure. But I also grew up in a family where that wasn’t the case. I was told as a young girl not to tolerate any philandering by my husband – and I know there were plenty of underlying reasons for this advice on my mom’s part – but where is the line?
Pondering all of this.
HoneyChild
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Why holidays help
I recently returned home from an incredible holiday in Europe, and it’s been an eye-opener to realise that an extended break from home, work and your normal routine is essential every now and then. Not only do I feel relaxed, rested and ready to take on the rest of the year with energy, I feel that my trip required me to challenge different aspects of myself which naturally become lazy when you are stuck in a familiar routine.
Communicating with people who speak different languages, eating new food and seeing places I’d - at a maximum – only ever read about was so stimulating. Spending time with my husband and his family who I don’t see often put into a different perspective what’s really important to me.
What was most amusing, and comforting, to note was that a couple of weeks away from the real world doesn’t make a scrap of difference in the long term to your colleagues, your friends, or anyone else who you think may struggle without you. So I’m resolving to take holidays more often, and not to feel guilty about doing it! You only live once, and the occasional break helps you perform better in the long run.
HoneyChild
Communicating with people who speak different languages, eating new food and seeing places I’d - at a maximum – only ever read about was so stimulating. Spending time with my husband and his family who I don’t see often put into a different perspective what’s really important to me.
What was most amusing, and comforting, to note was that a couple of weeks away from the real world doesn’t make a scrap of difference in the long term to your colleagues, your friends, or anyone else who you think may struggle without you. So I’m resolving to take holidays more often, and not to feel guilty about doing it! You only live once, and the occasional break helps you perform better in the long run.
HoneyChild
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