Being a better wife

It’s been nearly a year since I got married and recently I’ve been feeling different about my role as a married woman. For one, I am increasingly thinking about how to be a better daughter/sister-in-law to R’s family. I know I haven’t necessarily been great at this – especially with them so far away – and I know I need to make an effort to keep in more regular contact with them. Having not given much time to this in the past, I think I’ve made improvements recently, and our trip away together was a great success, bringing us closer. I hope to keep up the good relationship I’ve built with them.

And I suppose I’m also striving to be a better wife. I certainly wasn’t a perfect one to start with, and we had a rocky few months earlier this year which were mostly due to the lack of responsibility I was taking for myself. Maybe I’m growing up, because I suddenly feel quite removed from and disappointed by the ‘old’ me. I feel that I’m improving in this area, and being much more accountable to my husband.

Nevertheless, we did have a bad argument while we were on holiday about another woman. Too many glasses of wine, and my jealously reared its head with nasty results. How much leeway do we give one another around other men and women? Surely it’s natural to have attractions and flirtations with other people during the course of one’s marriage? But surely it’s also ok to put my foot down when I feel it’s gone too far on his part? And then to manage my own actions around this as well?

I need to learn to express myself less emotionally, that’s for sure. But I also grew up in a family where that wasn’t the case. I was told as a young girl not to tolerate any philandering by my husband – and I know there were plenty of underlying reasons for this advice on my mom’s part – but where is the line?

Pondering all of this.

HoneyChild

Standing up

I seem to have a problem with authority. Not in the sense that I don’t like authority. Rather, because I find it painfully difficult to say no to those who are (or at least who I perceive to be) in a position of greater power. I definitely inherited a sizeable dose of good girl mentality from my mother, and my traditional schooling instilled a healthy (at times unhealthy) respect for my seniors. As a fully grown woman, I still struggle to stand up for myself when I don’t agree with what my boss, senior colleagues, older family members and some of my more demanding friends ask of me. And it’s becoming a frustration.

I need to learn how to speak out confidently when I’m being mistreated, and not to stew about it and then let it slide, as I tend to do. It’s a big part of my growing up process, I know. My mom has only recently started to tell people where to shove it when she feels she’s being taken advantage of. That took her more than 50 years. I need to master that ability (which ironically my father and sister have in spades) a lot sooner. Like, by my 30th birthday. Must practise.


HoneyChild

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