End of September

With September drawing to a close I can look back at the month with some satisfaction. I've definitely had wobbles and worries about work prospects, with not a lot of client action this month. But it's the first time in seven months since starting my company that I've had that concern, and this week I've uncovered opportunities with three or four new clients from October. So feeling in better spirits about that.

I'm going to try not to make this a blog about work though - I have a separate journal for that. But when you work for yourself, it's particularly hard to compartmentalise success in that area as a distinct entity from your general state of being. That reminds me of a channelling I had a few months ago. The message was to try to integrate all aspects of myself, not to categorise and box too much. Because when you are fully 'integrated', you can experience your deepest joy and satisfaction, apparently! Will give that a bash in October :-)

Am really looking forward to having F visiting me from Australia over the weekend. She has been one of my best and closest friends for 10 years, and although we've had our ups and downs, she has been an important part of my adult life - and I hers. I've missed her over the last couple of years, and immmensely so with her living across the globe over the past 18 months. She has been through much heartache in recent weeks and I hope I can help her heal in the way that girlfriends, wine and a few laughs are so able to do, somehow.

All quiet on the baby front. Trying not to feel anxious about that. I'll know this weekend whether the pregnancy efforts for the last month have been successful - but somehow I think and feel... not. Calling in my child still, and staying positive and relaxed about things in that department as far as possible. (Again - the mention of a 'department' - must watch that, and integrate a little more perhaps...)

HoneyChild

Ok I'm back

I took a break from keeping an online journal and I really missed it! Since I last wrote I've started my own business, which has been challenging and awesome. I love being my own boss. I love being in control of my time. I love how I've managed to leverage and really increase my earning power.

But I do get a little lonely! I miss having colleagues to talk to, and I miss having someone to share the perennial business owner's fear of not knowing where the next paycheck will come from. I miss being part of something bigger. Shit, I missed going to the Loeries this last weekend :-)

Overall, it's definitely been a fantastic move for me. I'm doing daily editorial writing in addition to my PR work, and that is something I really enjoy and have realised I should do more. A good learning.

I am also far more relaxed - like deeply, in my bones and muscles, relaxed. The stress of agency life takes a very physical toll over time, and it's never been more clear to me. When I look in the mirror and I don't see lines on my face, shadows under my eyes, or feel tension in my chest and knots in my stomach every morning, I know it's because of my significant lifestyle change. And they say starting a business is stressful! It's actually been easier, I've found.

I feel ready for a child. Having gone off the pill at the end of May, my body is totally, totally ready. So calling that baby in! I'm much more sexually awake as well. I always thought I was pretty normal in that department, but my sexuality is very charged right now. Not sure how well that's playing out with R. A little concerned that our historically mis-matched sex drives are starting to more out of sync than ever. But I'm trying not to dwell on that.

Feels good to be writing about this stuff again. Helpful.

HoneyChild