Trying to decide

A few years ago I received the gift of a channelled reading which I experienced as a stream of beautiful wisdom from my spiritual guides and my higher self. I understood and identified immediately with most of the information revealed to me, but I found one aspect of the reading very surprising. It was an insight about my tendency to be indecisive. Basically I was told that sometimes watching me make even the smallest decision in a grocery store was excruciating! I don’t think I’d ever thought of myself as indecisive before that moment, and I’d never considered that if I was, it may be frustrating to other people.

And yet, several years later, I often think back to that message and it resonates with me. Obviously, it usually happens when I’m in the middle of a decision-making process, as I am now. It’s not particularly helpful either – in fact, it just makes me more self-conscious about my own indecisiveness. But I don’t believe that my intuition would point something out that sharply just to mess with me. So I’m really trying to come to grips with why I have such negative energy around making a call about important stuff. I’m sure it’s largely to do with my need to please others, and not to hurt anyone as a result of my actions.

I can choose pretty quickly when my decision doesn’t affect anyone but me (I’ve never been one of those girls who changes their outfit 10 times before going out, which I’m sure makes me very decisive in some books). But I can weigh up pros and cons for hours when it comes to different kinds of decisions - from life-changing but really very simple choices like whether to go on a first date with someone who would ultimately become my husband (I spent months working out whether that was a good idea – duh) to inconsequential rubbish like what to buy for supper for the husband. Where there’s a chance that someone else can be negatively affected by what I decide, I’m temporarily paralysed.

Intellectually, I can see that’s stupid. Energetically I know that it’s crazy to fixate on the negative that hasn’t yet occurred. And the ridiculous thing is that by deliberating and delaying for so long, I can sometimes hurt people even more.

My horoscope today: This is a session in which you must cultivate positivity and faith because these qualities will easily overcome fear and doubt. Ok, will add that to my to-do list.


HoneyChild

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Maybe later

One of my worst habits is undoubtedly procrastination. I am so annoyed with myself for letting the whole weekend pass me by without even looking at the books. The textbooks for the two long distance courses I'm (supposed to be) taking this semester. The study material I left in full view on the dining room table for three days, unopened. It was the first weekend in a while where I had a full Sunday to myself really to get started and log some serious hours...and attempt to undo the knot in my stomach that is tightening on a daily basis as my exams loom. (Four weeks to go until the first one, and I've literally not touched the subject.) I watched Gossip Girl and went to Caprice instead. Nice work.

This is the behaviour I cultivated so (un)successfully as a student, but you'd think as a married, working woman with a degree under my belt I would have bloody well grown out of it by now. I seem to thrive on the pressure and drama of leaving things until the last minute, and it translates into a lot of aspects of my life. Definitely something to look at, and try to improve.

HoneyChild

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