Life coaching part 2

My second coaching session was a tough one – I have felt shattered for two days. We started talking about how to integrate certain elements of my subordinate ID into my primary ID. In a nut shell, I need to acknowledge some more of the male (rather than just the ‘nice girl’) characteristics from the hidden part of my consciousness and allow them to be acceptable responses to my environment, particularly work and career-related factors.

Once I can do this, the way I show up in my other relationships, like the one with my dad, should also fall into place naturally. We identified a couple of incidents from my younger life which may have created the edge behind which I learnt (and still tend) to hide my voice in conflict situations, and the aspects about me that are not nice, right, obliging and sweet. I am at my core a nice person – I know that. As an adult, I now have to realise that I will always be considered ‘nice’, even when I need to have a hard conversation, or say no. Difficult conversations are merely a platform for discussing the assumptions and opinions of two or more people. I don’t have to think of them as something to fear anymore! Wow, that will be empowering.

We explored the public and the hidden arenas of my own Johari window, and my homework this week is to think about the other two quadrants - my blind arena and my unknown arena. I also have to imagine what I would do if I could do anything for a day, with no consequences – what do I dream for my life? I'll have to know by next Tuesday, I guess.

HoneyChild

Taking stock

I really messed up on Saturday and I feel awful about it. I went to a wedding and got very under the weather. One shooter turned into several and the next thing I knew it was all overs. R had to take me home early and miss out on the whole party - it was his friend getting married, and he was still cross about it last night. This has happened way too often in recent months and I was reminded again that I have to take it easy on the booze. I actually have to lay off it entirely for a while. I'm just not reacting well to it, and it's having a seriously negative effect on my relationship. It's not that I'm addicted to it, I just love having a good time but my body isn't handling alcohol like it did when I was younger. It's not ok to get so out of control anymore. I'm married.

So here we go. Cold turkey til my birthday next month ladies and gents. This should be interesting.

HoneyChild

Maybe later

One of my worst habits is undoubtedly procrastination. I am so annoyed with myself for letting the whole weekend pass me by without even looking at the books. The textbooks for the two long distance courses I'm (supposed to be) taking this semester. The study material I left in full view on the dining room table for three days, unopened. It was the first weekend in a while where I had a full Sunday to myself really to get started and log some serious hours...and attempt to undo the knot in my stomach that is tightening on a daily basis as my exams loom. (Four weeks to go until the first one, and I've literally not touched the subject.) I watched Gossip Girl and went to Caprice instead. Nice work.

This is the behaviour I cultivated so (un)successfully as a student, but you'd think as a married, working woman with a degree under my belt I would have bloody well grown out of it by now. I seem to thrive on the pressure and drama of leaving things until the last minute, and it translates into a lot of aspects of my life. Definitely something to look at, and try to improve.

HoneyChild

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