Food and entertainment

We enjoyed R's 40th birthday party - I feel I organised it well and was glad it was a success. I was complimented on every aspect of the organisation of the event, and also on my speech, which everyone seemed to love, and my confidence in speaking in public. I think I surprised several people, who do not know that side of me. It felt good to be acknowledged.

I've really enjoyed having R's family here visiting us - his mom and sister are still staying at our house, and his dad was here until the weekend. I think I am good at making people feel welcome and at ease, and as I get older and, I suppose, more established as a wife, I am better at the food/catering side of things as well. It is interesting to me to realise how much I have picked up via osmosis from my own mother when it comes to providing good food for people. I am glad to have had that exposure in my life, even though it was boring to me when I was younger. I am gaining confidence in the kitchen and with my cooking, and am increasingly finding that people actually like eating my food.

On a food note, I am trying to make peace with my changing appetite and gradually more "pregnant" shape. It is a natural, healthy and beautiful part of being a mother and I am not ballooning at a noticeable rate, even though it sometimes feels that way. I've put on about a kilo in the first 11 weeks of pregnancy - and set off against the 1.5-2kg I lost last month, I have actually not gained any weight during the first trimester yet. So I'm doing ok and not looking bad. Far less tired these days too - I'm relieved to have more energy as I've got a lot on the go.

Honey Child

First trimester concerns

I've been busy over the last week, including the weekend, trying to juggle a lot of client work, learning for Wednesday's exam, planning R's birthday party this weekend and preparing for the arrival of both of our families. We've also had quite a lot of social engagements thrown in, and with three of my close friends needing extra attention for various reasons at the moment, there's plenty on the go.

Ordinarily I think I would be taking most of that in my stride, but I've been feeling so pap and lethargic during the first trimester that I am battling a bit. I've put off my second exam (which I was supposed to write on Friday in the middle of the family's arrival) until January, which has helped to make it all seem a bit more manageable. But I'm fighting hard not to feel overwhelmed.

I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and find some time for exercise as well, because as hard as it is to motivate myself it really does make me look at things differently when I get some fresh air and the heart pumping as often as possible.

Honestly I am also feeling a bit down about my body starting to change shape. I have not gained weight yet but my tummy is definitely rounder and my waist thicker now that i'm into week ten. While the untrained eye wouldn't notice, I can feel the difference and I am not feeling very sexy. Maybe it will change when I actually have a proper bump, rather than just looking bloated?! I know I should be embracing this as a beautiful and natural part of pregnancy. But it's hard, and it's also not something I can share with anyone else without sounding terribly superficial and vain, with all my priorities out of whack. I have set myself healthy but low weight gain targets throughout the nine months, which I really hope I can stick to. It's tempting to get very competitive with other 'hot' moms, and I need to watch that.

It just occurred to me that maybe a little depression is part of the hormonal shift of pregnancy. Will look into that. I hope that the second trimester, with the return of energy I am expecting and wishing for, also brings some more positive feelings for me.

HoneyChild

New structure for November

I'm looking forward to a new month starting tomorrow. I feel it will mark the end of a rather tired, listless and unproductive October. I have to remember to be gentle with myself, and to cut myself a bit of slack during the first trimester. But honestly I'm sick of waking up and being dead to the world in the morning, slobbing around in my pyjamas until late, not eating properly and exercising too little.

I need to crank it from tomorrow with client work and law studies - I've got two papers coming up next week and I have hardly done a thing. I also need to do some new business proposals and ensure I have business lined up for December into February. So I'm going to need to inject some energy boosting habits into my daily regimen.

I've been reading some inspirational health and fitness blogs over the last week, and I feel motivated to get going with a good eating regime, a low impact exercise routine and trying to cut back a little on my sleeping hours. I believe that the 10 hours on average that I am sleeping a night is actually making me more lethargic than a normal 8 hours, and I need to remind myself that I can easily have a rest at midday if I need one.

So, tomorrow morning I aim to be up before 7, try to gulp down a little fruit if I can stomach it, a cup of coffee and water, then get walking for 20 minutes and do some lunges, squats, pushups and ab work before hitting the shower. I want to be at my desk by 8am, crank out a press release by 9am, sort out my emails and hit the phones for a while, and start on a campaign plan before lunch. Between 12-1pm I'll rest if necessary, then will do a little early afternoon study session for an hour, finish my campaign plan and break by 5pm. Study again from 5:30-7:30pm, grab some supper then enjoy a late movie. Aim to be asleep by midnight, then up and at 'em again by 8am on Wednesday.

I know I can do this - just need some more structure in November.

HoneyChild

Feeling a bit flat

Phew - I'm feeling very pregnant this week. So tired in the mornings, I struggle to function before I've had a cup of coffee. My gynae has said 2 cups a day are ok, thank goodness. My breasts seem to be growing every day, and they really are big now. I'm not able to run comfortably due to their size, so walking is the way forward for me when I can muster the energy. A little bit of exercise most days of the week is a must, I'm finding.

I haven't had to struggle with vomiting (apart from once last Friday), but I am realising that I do have what they call morning sickness. It's not rampant nausea but I am definitely not enjoying the thought of food and don't have a taste for anything really. I can manage very bland stuff like toast, smooth yoghurt, cottage cheese, plain mozzarella, tomato, apples - but almost everything is a little off-putting right now, especially rich, fatty food, red meat and certain textures like chunky vegetables or soft fruit.

Apart from my expanding bust, I am actually not gaining weight or showing any remote signs of a bump. If anything, the fact that I've cut out alcohol and am perhaps consuming less (or less fatty things) has led to some weight loss - around 1.5kg since I fell pregnant, I estimate - with my weight not hovering much above 60.5kg on the scales regardless of what I eat. My tummy is pretty flat, although my waist seems to be changing shape somehow. But everything else is the same or smaller. The gynae was not phased about gain or loss at my first appointment, but I suppose eventually it will happen naturally. Hoping to keep my pregnancy weight down to a comfortable level and not gain more than about 10-11kg if possible, but we'll see how that goes.

My body is clever and is giving me good signals that all is well, so I will continue to trust and honour those.

HoneyChild

Week 6

Apart from the Springboks' exit from the 2011 Rugby World Cup half an hour ago (bleak), the last week has been nothing but happy. R was beyond ecstatic when he found out on Tuesday - I left the test wrapped in a bow on his side of the bed with a rose and a baby book.

Baby vibes are good - feeling fine as I enter my sixth week, and although I know I may start getting morning sickness at this stage, I have a feeling it will be ok. No signs of nausea yet. Feeling occasional cramps and a little fatigue and teariness here and there but all totally manageable. My breasts are a bit sensitive and slightly larger too. I do have immense faith in my body. My newly 'natural' cycle was so regular within 3 months of coming off the pill, that a pregnancy test was viable as soon as I was one day later than expected. So clever! I did however take another test on Friday just to make sure - still positive :-) I know conception was on 17 September around ovulation, which I'd tracked. I felt the fertilisation as it happened (didn't know that could happen), and we both knew it but didn't want to be over hopeful, given the disappointment of last month. But there was no denying that something was very different that day, and I was visibly overwhelmed with emotions.

We were given our first babygrow by F as she left us to return to Sydney yesterday, and it is sooo cute! It was fun to have her with us - I really miss her and hope she comes back to SA soon. It was incredibly special to share the baby news and excitement with someone who cares so much, and in return it was nice to help her through her heartache and gently support her as she gets back on her feet. Friendship and caring are easy for me and I'm glad to have those qualities. But it also feels good to have that energy returned by all my close friends, who are so happy to hear of my pregnancy. This news has made me realise what a good base of girl friends I actually do have - both old and new - F, N, J, J, M and my former colleagues, who we had a lovely dinner with last night. I have a strong support system, over and above my family and in-laws, and I'm grateful for that. R is also being sweet and concerned. He will be a wonderful dad...and sex seems to be back on track with him on a health kick, so that's fun :-)

Beautiful weather signals the start of summer and I'm feeling sunny. Quite slim and trim at around 61kg and enjoying not drinking as of this week, surprisingly. I think it will suit me better than I thought. Sis has sent me her dietician's chart of how much weight I should gain over the full term - only about 1.5 kg during first trimester, then just under half a kilo for every week thereafter for a total of 11kg. I think that's fine for me - I am tall enough to carry the extra and should lose quite a substantial percentage of that straight after birth. So if I end up at say, 66-67kg that's not too scary. I've been there before and know how to get back to comfortable happy weight without stressing about it.

Dreaming of having a little soul waking me up every morning to love.

HoneyChild

Oh Baby

It seems I'm pregnant!!! I took a test a little earlier and the result was resoundingly positive. Felt quite teary, then happy, then a bit scared, then called my mom and told her and she is over the moon. Thinking of the best way to tell R when he gets home later - he is going to be ecstatic!

I am pleased with the timing. Really, really pleased. I am in a great situation work-wise, am healthy and ready. I got terribly broody standing in the queue at Woolworths this morning, watching all the moms with their sweet kids. So here's hoping all carries on smoothly. Feeling a bit different, with a slightly crampy tummy, but overall fine - and excited!

HoneyChild

End of September

With September drawing to a close I can look back at the month with some satisfaction. I've definitely had wobbles and worries about work prospects, with not a lot of client action this month. But it's the first time in seven months since starting my company that I've had that concern, and this week I've uncovered opportunities with three or four new clients from October. So feeling in better spirits about that.

I'm going to try not to make this a blog about work though - I have a separate journal for that. But when you work for yourself, it's particularly hard to compartmentalise success in that area as a distinct entity from your general state of being. That reminds me of a channelling I had a few months ago. The message was to try to integrate all aspects of myself, not to categorise and box too much. Because when you are fully 'integrated', you can experience your deepest joy and satisfaction, apparently! Will give that a bash in October :-)

Am really looking forward to having F visiting me from Australia over the weekend. She has been one of my best and closest friends for 10 years, and although we've had our ups and downs, she has been an important part of my adult life - and I hers. I've missed her over the last couple of years, and immmensely so with her living across the globe over the past 18 months. She has been through much heartache in recent weeks and I hope I can help her heal in the way that girlfriends, wine and a few laughs are so able to do, somehow.

All quiet on the baby front. Trying not to feel anxious about that. I'll know this weekend whether the pregnancy efforts for the last month have been successful - but somehow I think and feel... not. Calling in my child still, and staying positive and relaxed about things in that department as far as possible. (Again - the mention of a 'department' - must watch that, and integrate a little more perhaps...)

HoneyChild